9 weeks later and...I'm baaack!

On 27 Feb, I had a C5, C6 fusion.  The pain in my neck had become so bad that I was unable to do anything, no yoga, no running, no holding my niece, nothing, but eat, work, sleep (and not much of the sleeping!), thus the decision to have the fusion. My doc originally told me I could go back to yoga after 2 weeks, but I was unable to do it.  During my 3 week post-op visit, he told me to try again, so I did.  Needless to say, it has taken me 7 weeks post-surgery to do one of the things I love, yoga.

Having said the above, as I entered The Yoga Room, after work yesterday evening, I felt at home.  My yoga instructor, Tammy Brahan, and I talked for a few minutes about the fusion, where I was still having pain and she said to just take it easy and do what I could do.  I was just so happy to be back, I could've laid in savasana the entire class, smile.  As it turned out, my need for neck and shoulder attention became the theme for class and Tammy worked us over, gingerly of course, honestly, she did, this time, grin.  The two things I remember so poignantly was when we went from sphinx to cobra, my cobra asana was probably the best I'd done since the accident.  I was up, and the body was proud!  The second thing I remember was during savasana, as I laid there with my eyes closed, I could literally see purple waves washing over me.  If you read my post, you know savasana isn't so quiet for me, but last night, all I could see was purple waves and feel my body thanking me for giving it the release it needed.  Now, we are on the road to healing again.  With the help of God and yoga, I have no doubt, the healing process will not be too long.  I just have to remain diligent, be careful and remember to be in the pose, breath through it, and come out if I need, but to get right back in it as my body, my soul, needs it.

I would like to give thanks to my family - my momma, daddy and little sister, as they have taken the best care of me while I've been on this journey; my co-workers - as they have had to tow my line while I was out of the office for 6 weeks; my friends for calling and coming by to check on me; Therapeutic Kneads - Manny, for helping get the blood flow started back in my arm to help my nerve heal (I haven't forgotten to come back I just haven't made time for me, smile); to Tammy - as she works through her busy schedule and life's little curves, she still has time to stop and talk to me; and most importantly, to Jesus for pulling me through the surgery, as I am feeling better every week.

I'm blessed beyond measure and have the scar to prove it....

Namaste!

Valentine's Day. Yoga. Healing.

Valentine's Day Yoga, that's what I called yesterday.  All day I reminded myself that I had somewhere special to go after work.  Some where that I would feel unconditional love.  People who love me for me, not for my past, my present, nor my future.  They love me for who I am that moment in time as we all gather on our mats.

Valentine's day has always been hard for me, even when I had a "Valentine", but this year I noticed I wasn't down.  I wasn't angry.  I wasn't unhappy for others.  I was okay with it because I've realized, through yoga, that this has been my decision.  My decision to be sad on this happy day.  My decision was to be happy for everyone.

I blame this completely on yoga and the fact that it has made be take responsibility for ALL of my decisions.  I've chosen not to have a Valentine (for personal reasons, I still am working on!).  I've chosen to no longer project my decision on those who are happily involved with their someone special.  I've chosen.  I've chosen.  My decisions.

This is what my yoga practice is teaching me.  When I hit the mat, it's all about me!  When I emerge from the mat, I am responsible for my decisions - past, present, and future - not a family member(s), not my neighbor, not someone I loved, not my co-workers, not my yoga guide, not my yoga community.  Again, it's all about MY decisions, and all decisions - good and bad - have consequences. Those consequences can build me up or destroy me.  They can be building blocks or stumbling blocks.  I, now, choose for them to be building blocks.  I've allowed my past to destroy me, cause me be stumble and stay down, but no more.

At my altar of prayer, I finally know I'll meet my Jesus.  I know I can allow myself to be forgiven for my past and work toward my future.  Yoga has taught me that!

Remember, yoga isn't about what a man or woman teaches you, it's about what you learn from within.  Your heart's guide. For me, my guide is Jesus Christ.  I can finally stop punishing myself mentally and let Him have it. (This coming from a preachers daughter and a saint on the pew.  My dad would be so proud, but I think I'll keep this between us. Smile.)

What has yoga taught you?

Namaste!

"Intense" bow pose...

Last night, I forewent the 1st ever Hattiesburg Mardi Gras parade to join the other yoga faithfuls in our quest for backbends this month.

As we started practice, all seemed to go smoothly, then Tammy decided to show us a few different 'ways' to do bow pose.  One, with the thighs on the ground, heart lifted high; and second, with the legs lifted high and the heart of the ground.

Well after she demonstrated this, I gave her another one of my "have you lost it" looks and she walked over and I said "I can't do that!" (I know, I said I wasn't going to say that in yoga class, well I failed, but I'll do better next time!) She said "I'll help you or do you just not want to try?"  Now, I was being and ninny, and I admitted it out loud in class, but when Tammy says that, it's more of a "she's challenging me" and everyone who knows me, knows I'm always up for a good, healthy challenge.  I said "No, I'll try it.  I'm just being a ninny."  Everyone laughed, but it was true.  My body was hurting, my head wasn't feeling too well, and for the last few days I've been having shooting pains in my neck, so I wasn't to enthused about doing it.  So, in the pose I went, Tammy pushed my feet down, I pushed against her and up I came, BAM!, just like that.  I was impressed.  Then Tammy says, "Look at Melissa everyone, she's doing it!"  I started laughing and then had to come out of it.  The minute my head hit the floor (not literally), I took a headache above my eyes, across my forehead. I knew that wasn't good, but I finished out the class and headed home, but not before we did another 'wild thing'.  Those are contagious!  If you don't believe me, try one! You'll be in heaven, not because of the pose, but because you can DO the pose.  (Or maybe it's just me...hmmm.)

The headache was gone by the time I left the class, I made sure of it 'cause I hate to drive with those kind of headaches with lights hitting me in the eyes.  It'll bring on a migraine in a heartbeat.

Once home, I told my sister what caused the headache.  For a minute I thought she was going to beat me up.  I received a full minute of lecture before I could get her to shut up long enough for me to say "I DIDN'T CURL MY NECK BACK!"  She stopped and said ok.  If you didn't curl your neck back, then it wasn't caused by pinching your neck worse.  She said I was probably holding my breath or was extremely tense and those three big veins across your forehead are attached to the spine, which is attached to everything else, so next time I'm to breathe more and 'relax'.  I laughed and said "relax in that pose, you really were not watching when I showed you, were you?"  She laughed and said "I'd better be careful or she'd tell my soon to be neck surgeon of my wild yoga poses".  As if I'm scared of her (I sure hope she doesn't find this yoga blog, grin)!

The body is sore, but my tummy isn't as sore as I expected it to be, so that's a plus.  (I'm sure it'll sneak up on me tomorrow, as I try to sit up in bed!)

Babysitting tonight for my brother, so no home practice tonight.  I'll do it tomorrow, when my body has had time to really be sore from last night...laugh.

Namaste!

Breathe. Be.

Utthan Pristhasana (Lizard Pose).  We had two new yogis in class last night and when Tammy started, I was like, yeah, this is going to be an easy class. WRONG! What was I thinking?!

I'm learning that Tammy is compassionate, but when it comes to yoga poses, beginner or advanced, she 'pushes you off the cliff' and you fly.  It's that easy....  I managed to sweat almost as much as if we hadn't had the two new people.  Then she said "we are all going to do Utthan Pristhasana, lizard pose".  I looked up like she had lost her mind 'cause I know lizards and I know how they walk and stretch.  I knew we were in for a challenging pose.

I was right!  Now see the pose in the picture?  Now, put your right hand on your right thigh, rotate your torso to the right.  Now, put your hand on your hip and get deep into the stretch, then raise your right hand toward the sky and lead with your heart.  Hmmm, my right leg, at the crease, was hurting so badly that I could barely move out of the pose once it was over.

I know, I overlooked my own rule, no pain, just to the edge....

I just knew I'd be so sore in my groin this morning, but nope.  My legs feel good!  And to that note, Tammy is so good!  Laugh.

I think those who enter a yoga studio are walking to the edge and giving the instructor permission to push them off the edge to allow them to fly because they (the student) don't have the nerve to do it themselves.

Yoga requires one to stand on the edge, breathe, be present, and then push off that edge.

Flight is freedom!  Flight is joy!  Flight is the chance to see what is below you, behind you and what lies ahead.

Namaste!

Wild thing...

I DID THIS POSE! It's called the "wild thing", and we have been working on this pose every Thursday in January (along with other poses), but I managed to do it!  I didn't stay in it for very long, a few breaths, but I DID IT!

If you would've asked me if I would ever do this pose when we first started working on it, I would've laughed in your face.  Not only did I do this, pose, but I also did the pose leading into it, side plank, which of course I didn't stay in and fell out of a few times, but I'm getting there.  I'm actually getting there! And you know it's true, as I learn I can do these poses with dedication, hard work and determination, I'm learning, I can do anything.  Yoga is definitely working on healing my lack of self-esteem.

You know, I must stop here and give props to someone who first introduced me to yoga, Holly Hudson.  She never pushed, always let her yoga light shine, and always answered questions when I had them.  Then I found myself in one of her classes at the Payne Center, and the rest, may we say is history.  Thank you Holly!  If it weren't for you, I would've never tried yoga, and I would never be on this path I'm currently on.  You were always a rock, and I'm sure you still are...smile.

Now back to this blog, my arms are sore (killing me more like it), but I did it.  I've yet to master the 'nose bleed' pose as someone in our class has dubbed it, or the sugar cane pose (don't quote me on that one) but after my wild thing pose, I was too tired and shaking and couldn't stay in the nose bleed pose, so I caved and went into child's pose and tried to bring my heart rate down.

I was a sweaty mess when I left, but I was in hog heaven (why do we say that phrase?), anyway, my monkey brain at work. I went straight home and showed my parents what I could do.  My mom almost had a fit, due to my neck, but my sister assured her that I was protecting my neck and I was fine, it would actually help my neck.  It would stretch me and allow oxygen into the slipped disc.

I think, no I know, last night's class was an eye opener for me.  I may not have a skinny body anymore, but I can teach my body to do whatever yoga pose I'm taught.  It may take me longer, but I can do it.

I CAN do it....

Namaste!

Serenity and Peace

Yoga class last night was a test of 'ahimsa' and serenity, to say the least.

Our class was interrupted by a person and our instructor (my new guru, she just doesn't know it yet, grin) handled the situation with a 'do unto others as you would have others do unto you' attitude, with a smile on her face.

We were not so forgiving of the situation, but Tammy allowed us time to voice our opinion, then she re-started class, and off we went.

For those who know me, know I can not just 'let things go', especially when I know we've been wronged.  So for the rest of the practice, Tammy made us sweat.  The serenity class was out the window, she was determined to get our minds off of what had happened, or so that's my opinion because I was sweating like pig on a barbie, geez can I sweat!

Every pose was a challenge for me.  I was either shaking or second guessing being in the pose correctly, or I was falling out of the pose.  Why you ask?  Because I was reeling from the situation Tammy had been put in.

I was amazed that a person who calls themselves a Christian could just think he was entitled and us yogis didn't matter.  Did he not realize that in that studio were Christians as well, and he had made an ass of himself?  Did he not realize that he wasn't doing the work of his Father?

As we were leaving, I had made it up in my mind I was going to post a scripture and verse on his vehicle to remind him of his Christian responsibilities, and as I was getting in my car one of the guys who does yoga with us, I won't name out of respect because most people don't like to be identified without permission, said "Remember, serenity and peace."  We both laughed.  I got in my car, shut my door, and left his actions for God to reprimand.

So the next time you do something to someone, ask yourself, "is my light shining?", or have I turned it off in order to perform a certain task, and then turn it back on when I've completed that task.

Serenity and peace, two 'ideals' that I find extremely hard to grasp hold of and hang on to. My prayer is with time, I'll learn.  I'll learn from those who are teaching and guiding me, one of those people being my yoga teacher, Tammy.

Until next time, may serenity and peace be with you.

Namaste!

Lack of concentration on the mat equals...

I arrived at the studio frustrated, with my feelings hurt, and a tad bit upset because of a certain situation I had encountered prior to arriving at the studio.

When I sat down on the mat, I immediately started to cry.  I hate it when people I love make me cry.  It's as if I'm not worthy of any of their respect or consideration for my situation.  It's appears as if it's all about them.  So there I sat, crying and feeling like the fool that I am for crying.

Class started and for the next 75 mins I wobbled and weaved and shook, a very clear indication that I wasn't present on my mat.  My mind was clearly on my feelings and my body was going through the motions.

I really felt bad for Tammy because I wasn't responding to any of her facial cues, but it wasn't because of anything she had done, it was because I couldn't find the smile in me.  (I'm sorry Tammy!)

My mind is wore out as I have contemplated the situation all night.  My body is following my mind and is in pain.  I know all of this is my fault, as it always turns out to be, but I'm so tired....

I think a long yoga retreat might be helpful, I just can't afford them, as they are so expensive.  I try so hard not to do anything wrong, and when I do mess up, boy howdy, I do it with flying colors, sad smile.

My body did benefit from the yoga practice last night as I'm sore, but my mind is still reeling!

Peace, serenity, kindness, long-suffering, LOVE, all of these things seem way out of reach right now.

I did do an up the wall handstand BY MYSELF.  I pored all of my feelings into it and not only did I do it once, I did it twice, with good form.  I was proud of myself during that time.  I held the first one for 10 breathes, the second for less I'm sure because my wrist were starting to hurt.  (Amy would've been proud, I didn't have to have her feet!)

I love my yoga community.  They don't judge me, they don't ask questions when I cry, they only project their love and peace in my direction, which I most certainly can feel.

To sum all the rambling up, the lack of concentration on the mat equals a very ungrounded yoga practice.

Namaste!

Serenity Yoga

Last night's yoga class was very 'relaxing, calming, and yet motivating". Here lately, when I'm on the mat, I feel long, lean, and beautiful, then I walk to the car and realize, it's just the mat's effect on me.  Laugh.  There's nothing about me that is long, lean and beautiful.  I accept that, I'm just not one of those people.

I was fighting an aching neck, back and a headache, neither of which would go away until the very end, in savasana. I did feel my back give so the backache left almost immediately after the first few poses, but the rest, held on.

Finding my edge and holding on was very hard.  My concentration wasn't there. I was on the mat physically, but I wasn't present on the mat spiritually.

I woke up during the night with the right side of my neck just killing me.  I know it's nothing we did in yoga, as none of the poses were new to me, so I'm not sure what the deal was.  Spent the rest of the night on ice, and hurting.

I used my breathe to try and calm the muscles, and I suppose the breathing helped me fall back to sleep, but when I would wake up, the neck pain was still there.

I'm slowly learning that in order for this yoga journey to be productive, I have to be 'present' on the mat, not just going through the motions.  I can not heal physically, nor spiritually if I don't find that presence and keep it in the yoga practice with me!

Namaste!

Thursday night killer yoga...grin

The pose to the left is called Ardha Chandra Chapasana or Sugarcane pose.  Yes, I'm trying hard to learn the sankrit names/spellings of the yoga poses.  If I'm going to do delve headlong into this journey, I figure I must do it correctly, what ever that means, for me....

Last night was so challenging, sweaty, and so very FUN!  Yes you heard it from me, f-u-n.  We did a lot more asanas and they were all very challenging.  (My other new intention is to not use 'hard' when referring to yoga.  It's only 'hard' if I allow my brain to think it is, especially after Tammy's reading last night prior to practice.  And if you catch me in the right mood, nothing will ever be 'hard' again, just challenging.  And in meeting that challenge, I can say I accomplished that goal, next one....)

I was very mindful as to what I would write in today's blog.  I could've complained about all the soreness and what I couldn't do, but I decided no, not happening in todays yoga blog.

I wanted to remember last night, to remember that I did a half handstand up the wall, with Amy keeping her feet on my shoulders to keep me from falling.  I wanted to remember that I tried it a second time and had her to ease off the pressure on the shoulders and quickly had her reapply the pressure, I'll admit it, I got scared.  And that's ok, there'll be a next time, smile. (Show up to find out what I mean!)

I wanted to remember to remind myself that I need to start wearing long yoga pants because my hands, heck my whole body, sweats so badly that when I reach back to grab my foot in Ardha Chandra Chapasana, my hand slips off 'cause I'm so sweaty.

I wanted to remember that I must never do the elliptical the day before a yoga class 'cause my legs felt like a hot poker had been jabbed into my quads and I was in pain. Laugh!

When done correctly, yoga should leave the beginner sore.  If you're not sore, find another studio!  Your muscles should be contracting equally, all over your body.  I'm not necessarily a beginner, just haven't practiced steadily in a long time and now here I am again due to an injury.  And you know, I think it's my sign from God to STAY in yoga.  Yoga = minor/less/no injuries...my motto anyway.

I've only just begun this journey with real intentions (goals).  When I reach them, I'll tell you what they were, until then, keep reading and see you at the studio.

Namaste!

Full class

Last night's yoga class, for me, was shutting out the storm that was raging outside, and following my heart as I worked on the mat.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am terrified of bad weather.  And as the lightning and the thunder rolled outside, I worked very hard to allow it to do so without me panicking.  I believe I did fairly well, until Tammy would say, "look up to the ceiling and feel the rain falling on your face".  Naw, I didn't want no rain falling on my face, especially with the lightning falling along with it, laugh.  Nonetheless, the weather co-operated and didn't treat us too badly.

Again, challenging is a good word for last night.  We did tree poses, which I find very hard for some reason, and from there we became an airplane and nose dived into a split.  Well, I'm sure there were some who where doing splits, but not me.  I'm not sure when I lost my flexibility, but I have.

When I was young, I was able to do splits, backbends, front hand springs, cartwheels, backbend walk overs, hand stands, you name it, I could do it. Now at my age, I just can't find that flexibility.  But I go to class with the principles Tammy has taught me, and I've learned well - it's not about what your neighbor is doing, or how flexible your neighbor is, it's about my practice, how far I can go into a pose, how long I can stay there, and how confident it makes me each time I go a little further into a pose and stay a little longer in a pose.

As we transitioned into savasana, I found myself being thankful for all of God's mercy and grace.  Last night's weather could've really interrupted my concentration and I could've been terrified the entire time, just waiting for the lightning to strike, but it didn't.  God was merciful and showed me more grace than I deserved.  And then I thought, isn't that just like God?!  To show His children more mercy and grace than we ever deserve.  I realized that while we know He's with us during our small trails, why do we always wonder if He's with us during our super, dynawoping trails?

He's there, He carries us, and I am very thankful for Him and His never changing mercy and grace!

Namaste!

A week behind...

Ok, so I'm a week behind on blogging.  Would you like to know why?  No, well sorry, you get to read it anyway, unless of course you move along and don't read it, then so be it, smile.

The first week of January my brother was ill, nothing would stay down or in.  He finally emerged from his sickness on the 7th.  The following tuesday morning his wife woke him up sick.  Her visit to the doctor caused my brother to pack up Lily (my 9 month old niece) and bring her to the house, so we were officially on Lily duty - me, mom, dad, and tinkerbell.  Needless to say, I spent Wednesday-Friday at home with the baby or at the ER with Selena, my sister-in-law.  Then Thursday morning, my brother's step-daughter woke up vomiting.  He took her, that night, to the ER.  Friday night, they all seemed back to normal, so we let Lily go home.  Saturday morning at 4AM, my mother woke up with the same thing my brother had, are you kidding me?!  Lucky for us, her and thanks be to God (He was merciful!), she spent that day only fighting to keep things in and down.  Thankfully they shared all the meds the docs and ER had given them, so mom didn't have to make the dreaded trip to the ER. Thus far dad and I have only had a few rounds of keeping things in, but all seems back to normal.  We had no keeping things down issues, THANK GOD!

Needless to say, I only made it to yoga Tuesday of last week and it was an 'interesting' class to say the least.  We even named a new Tammy pose, the Jane Fonda Dolphin Pose, I think - 'cause that's just too long ago for me to remember, laugh.  I wasn't able to go last Thursday because I sat in the ER with Selena from noon until 6, so no yoga for me.

Saturday, I did a yoga dvd with John Friend. He loves backbends, so I did child poses, 'cause I can't do backbends, they kill me.  Remember, yoga = no pain!

I'm back tonight, and the weather is nasty.  I'm gonna bet the class will have something to do with the weather.  Who's betting with me?  Grin.

Namaste!

Yoga - good or bad

I'm forever stunned by people and their ability to quickly judge different things.  I just finished reading an article that said yoga is bad for you, then behind it a blogger told how she was pulled out of depression thanks to yoga.

Ok, so here's my philosophy, for all it's worth, on the good and bad of yoga, and mind you I'm no instructor (although I've thought about it, grin).

1. If it hurts STOP. Yoga isn't supposed to hurt, it's suppose to make you feel good.  Everyone has a pain threshold, learn it, respect it.

2. If you have old injuries, DO NOT go into yoga and aggravate it.  Again, your pain threshold!

3. If you have a really good yoga instructor, he/she will know how to modify around your injury to help you HEAL.

4. If you are new to yoga and you have health, structural issues, go see your doctor.  Find out what he/she recommends you NOT do in yoga.  Then pair and share with your instructor, so you don't injure or re-injure yourself.

5. Why do people always blame their pain on yoga, running, cycling, etc?

Walking to your office in a parking lot has dangers, someone racing to a parking spot could not see you and plow you over, so there...no yoga, running, cycling did it to you.

Geez, as Thumper said on Bambi "If you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all."

Talking down about something that may help someone isn't fair to that person who's looking for their 'saving grace'.

I, for one, just can't stand on my head, it hurts my neck, so I don't do it.  I have a bad back, so I don't do backbends, not safe for me, but I don't stop doing yoga because I can't do those two poses.  (I'm sure there are more poses, but I stay in the beginners classes, so I don't hurt myself.)  I have no desire to get into a pretzel, I do yoga 2 to 3 days a week, my body isn't flexible enough for a pretzel.

I don't push, looking for my pain threshold, because at that point I've gone too far for me.  I push until it feels good, until I feel good, and then I relish in that goodness.  My body is too beat up to push it, so I use my guide (my instructor) and move into a pose, breath, and enjoy.  Life's to short to push, for me anyway.

So for those of you looking at yoga as a healing tool - GO FOR IT!  Find a good instructor, and you'll know when you find him/her, because they won't push, they'll guide.

Namaste!

Fear...

Last night, yoga was all about 'befriending our fear'.  Not just the fear of doing yoga poses, although that was what we were there for, but about confronting the fear we face outside the yoga studio.

As Tammy began to read before our session, again I felt like she had managed to get into my head WAY before yoga class (and that scares me, and should scare her, laugh).  At 9AM yesterday morning, I found out I had to have surgery on my neck, an anterior cervical discectomy and fusion, to be exact. The doc sent me home to do my homework, watch a video, read about it, do my research and come back if/when I was ready to do the procedure.  To say I was scared would be an understatement, I was truly paralyzed with fear.  The kind of fear I haven't felt in a very long time.  As the day wore on, I slowly made myself nauseous thinking about it, after having done my homework.

Again, it turned into one of those days, I couldn't wait for yoga class.  I couldn't wait for Tammy to close the studio door, lock it, and keep the world out.  And I'll be dang if she didn't just bring the fear I'd been facing all day right on to my mat. Wait! What?  She couldn't do that, how did she know?!  How did she know I was facing a giant?  Again, for the second class in a row, she had managed to find the root of my issue.  Now mind you, I'm not the only one in this class!  I'm sure others have their own gaints they are facing, but when it follows you into the yoga studio and your instructor sets it down on your mat in front of you and says 'face your fear', learn to 'befriend your fear', one starts to wonder just where she's plugged into....

The class was challenging for me, as always - I suppose the day it stops being challenging, is the day I stop doing yoga, and I had to push myself through, which I did, facing my fears the whole way.

Then just when I thought it couldn't get anymore challenging, Tammy says everyone grab a partner and we are going to do assisted half-moon pose.  Dear Lord, please give me a break, was what I was thinking, laugh.  Tammy took me under her wings, as she so often does (thank you Tammy, I love you!) and she had me come to the front where everyone could see me (WHAT?!!!!) and she guided us all through it.  Now I'm sure my half-moon pose beginning wasn't pretty, AT ALL, but I did it and it felt good to stand there knowing I'd done it, with help, but I'd done it!  I was so excited!!!!!  Now you have to remember, since my wreck in August, I've been banned from everything for the most part, so my core strength, hahaha, what is that?, doesn't exist anymore, so 'raising my leg up while I was bent over' wasn't easy and I was just able to get the toes up and Tammy helped the rest of the way.

This was my first time to ever be the person everyone was watching do it, right or wrong, and while I was afraid to be the one everyone was looking at, it didn't kill me, I didn't embarrass myself too bad, nor did I hurt myself or Tammy, so next time, I'll be able to do it without 'fear'. (I can check that one off my list, grin.)

Then she had us do up assisted handstands against the wall.  Now my doc said no "headstands" and after about 30 seconds I decided a handstand was not a headstand and I gave it a try.  Tammy was needed around the room, so Amy helped me.  I got up the first time, but my wrist are so bad that I held it long enough to say "oh blank, I'm doing it" and down my feet came.  I did try a second time, but the wrist weren't having it, so after getting half way up, I had to come out of it.  Again, for the second time last night, I'd done something I was afraid of, and I didn't kill over, or hurt Amy (thank you Amy!), or 'hurt' myself, although the wrist were killing me.

My yoga studio, yes I consider it mine in that it feels like my safe haven, had yet again watched me do three things I would've never done on my own; a half-moon pose, a handstand and allowing someone to assist me into those poses (trusting they'd have my back). For those of you who know me, know trust is a HUGE issue for me in general!

My yoga lesson on the mat, wasn't just physical, yet again, it was emotional, spiritual, and mental.  Through facing my fear I find "faith, courage and pose".

Thank you Tammy for a yoga session well taught....

Namaste!

 

First yoga class of 2012...

Yesterday after work, I made my way to The Yoga Room for my first class of 2012.  I was super excited even though I had a bad headache and my body wasn't feeling good.  My wrist were especially bothering me as I had kept Lily (my 8 month old niece) for a few hours Monday and she loves to be held, thrown around, and loves the outside, especially feeding the chickens.  Now close your eyes and imagine holding an 8 month old on one hip and a pail of feed in the other hand and now try feeding the chickens, smile, hard to do, but I manage because she loves to 'help'.

Sorry, back to yoga. As we began our practice, Tammy, our instructor, read a piece from the Daily Om, "Let yourself be carried".  It so applies to my life and the way I fight against it, to no avail really.  I was so inspired by the piece that I went home and purchased the book on my Kindle and found the piece and read and re-read it.  Smiling and shaking my head all the while.

The practice was intense, as it always seems to be for me, and as we were almost finished my wrist decided they could do no more.  I was in extreme pain, and all the down-dogs had my head throbbing, but I pushed through, waiting patiently, or not so patiently, for savasana. For those who've read other post by me, you are aware that savasana and I do not jive, I can't stand the stillness and the silence, but for once, I was looking forward to it.  I had pushed my body as far as it could go, and I needed the stillness, the silence; although, I will confess, I wasn't still, I always find something on my body to move ever so slightly, laugh.

After class, I felt good, head was still hurting, but not throbbing, and my wrist had eased off a bit.

This morning, as I 'rolled' out of bed, every fiber in my body was screaming.  I'm not sure if it was the fibro or the butt kicking from Tammy, smile.  Either way, I'm sore, but sore is good, pain isn't, so I'm going with the butt kicking from Tammy, which by the way I'd rather deal with than deal with the fibro.

We shall see what Thursday brings....

Namaste!